Couldn't Get it Right

This is difficult. I am well aware that every job is a good deal harder and more complex than it looks, and that it is the easiest thing in the world to criticise, so I offer these thoughts as, I hope, due praise, together with suggestions and observations as to how things could perhaps be differently expressed. 

A routine hospital clinic review has left me with a 1976 earworm from my diabetes playlist which expresses perfectly my thoughts: Couldn't Get it Right by the Climax Blues Band.

Today was my second clinic review since I returned to hospital care last year. My first review, back in November, left a lot to be desired, and I wrote about it at the time – here.

Today's visit went better in many respects. For a start, the administration was exemplary and the waiting time minimal. I received a courteous reminder phone call, at 7:30pm, three days before the appointment, with the caller apologetic for disturbing me but explaining that missed appointments are common and costly. Fair enough.

Checking in at the hospital was on a touchscreen and I had been sitting less than a minute when I was called for weighing, blood test, blood pressure and “taking the piss”. Another minute's sitting down and I was called in, about a minute before the appointment time.

At my clinic we do not have designated consultants and DSNs, so it appears to be pot luck whom we get to see. The woman I saw greeted me, gave her name and proceeded to give me more time and attention than I have ever had before. She was thorough and attentive, and my take-home message in factual terms was an HbA1c of 6.4. So I should be celebrating.

But I was left feeling, well, mildly amused and even slightly angry, largely because of some rather careless language and an unnecessarily stern tone on the part of the consultant.

She asked to see my meter in a rather brusque tone, and seemed surprised and mildly disapproving when I proffered my FreeStyle Libre, explaining that this was where the vast majority of my data could be found. She took it from me in a manner reminiscent of a teacher confiscating a mobile, then fumbled through the display in a manner reminiscent of an aged aunt with a smartphone. She was clearly less than familiar with a device which has in recent years been widely recognised as a quantum leap in blood glucose monitoring, an impression strengthened by her asking how long I wear the sensor for (it is well known that the sensors last precisely 14 days). I sensed suspicion rather than interest.

She was commendably thorough in her questioning, albeit a little bureaucratic and interrogatory in manner. I was particularly amused by one choice of question: “What other medical conditions do you have?” “None!” Her raised eyebrow suggested disbelief, and surely a better phrasing would be “Do you have any other conditions?” Words are powerful and subtle things, and the phrasing of a question should be thought through. Especially if it's a routine question, presumably used at every such appointment. I felt guilty for being so well.

Scrolling through my data, she appeared to be looking for lows, and enquired rather accusingly “what was wrong here?” on seeing a solitary “LO”. I explained that nothing was wrong, pointing out that it was at 5:30 pm on a day when I had been working hard in the garden, that it was preceded (on the Libre) by a 4.9 with a down arrow and followed, 30 minutes later, by an 8.4 with an up arrow, indicating that I had anticipated and acted upon the “LO”. Her manner suggested she was unconvinced.

Then came the punchline: my HbA1c, she said, was “too good” at 46 (6.4). It was at a level where I was at increased risk of hypos (self-evident in a way?), and she asked if I suffered from hypos. Yes, I do, I replied, but I am normally able to anticipate them and deal with them, not least because of the Libre. Fair enough, she said, but if it went any lower "we would need to lower your insulin dose”. Bad phrasing again. I'm not a child – it is I who would modify the dose.

By this point, I was starting to sense some rather rigid thinking: “lowering my dose” suggests a constant dose, unadjusted for meal content, portion size, activity level, temperature etc. I vary it according to what I'm eating and doing. I don't have a "dose". It's not medication.

To finish with, she said she thought I didn't need a DAFNE course. I was clearly doing very well without one. I told her that I've never been taught carb counting, I just guesstimate, and she replied that I must be very good at it. So again, I am being penalised for doing too well.

So there you go. A pleasing HbA1c result, great to hear as I approach my 20th diaversary and 60th birthday, but somehow it seems that they're never satisfied. 

To paraphrase Abba, “I feel like I lose when I win”